The People Who Carry You

We talk a lot about the tubie, and rightly so. But behind almost every one of us is a family, a partner, or a friend who quietly carries an enormous amount, and they rarely get the thanks they deserve. They are not the patient, so nobody asks how they are doing. They just get on with it, and everybody assumes that means it is fine.

They learn the routines alongside us, often as thoroughly as we do. They lie awake worrying about things they cannot fix and would take on themselves in a heartbeat if they could. They put their own plans on hold, again and again, without ever being asked and usually without ever mentioning it. It is a kind of love that does not shout about itself, and precisely because it does not shout, it is very easy to stop noticing.

It takes a real toll on them too, and that toll is largely invisible. There is no appointment for it. Nobody checks in. They are simply expected to absorb it, and most of them do, quietly, for years. The ones who care hardest are often the ones least likely to say they are struggling, because they have decided their job is to be the steady one.

If that is you, reading this as the person who cares for a tubie, thank you. Truly. You matter just as much in this, and your wellbeing is not a luxury or an afterthought. Please look after yourself. Lean on other people. Take the breaks you need without apologising for them or waiting until you have earned them. You cannot pour from an empty cup, and the person you are caring for would be the first to tell you so.

And to my fellow tubies, let us never take these people for granted. It is easily done, especially on the hard days when we have nothing spare to give anybody. A simple thank you, said out loud and said often, goes a very long way. Say it today.